All the Single Ladies

This morning I was checking my Facebook and came across yet another "Look at me I'm engaged" photo album. It seems like all the cool kids these days are celebrating the beginning of their twenties by giving or receiving a diamond ring. Girls who used to post pictures of themselves building snowmen and burning batches of Christmas cookies with their friends now only post pictures of themselves and their significant other playing Scrabble. One of my friends from high school sought to combine her and her fiance's online identities by inadvertently reducing herself to half a Facebook profile. Another friend lists her fiance as her favorite activity and interest. And these are supposed to be the strong and independent women our mothers sought equal rights for? But that's a topic for another blog. What I'm interested in is why young women feel that getting married is the next logical step after graduating college?

Up until college graduation, the lives of most American young adults has followed a very linear path. We graduated from preschool, learned to play an instrument in elementary school, got dressed up for the eighth grade formal, fought with our parents in high school, then studied our behinds off in college. At each stage of our lives we knew which stage came next. College graduation marks the end of that line of thinking. Even those of us who know exactly which occupation we want to work in for the rest of our lives have trouble seeing ourselves 5, 10, or 15 years from now. Getting married young is a way to continue the linear thinking of our childhoods. We can then graduate from college, get married, have babies, and so on until the cycle repeats itself for our children.

Also, let's face it. College life can be very lonely. In high school we lived with people who for the most part loved us unconditionally. In college, we spend a lot of times by ourselves working and studying. I've seen many young women attatch themselves to a guy because it's easier than facing another Saturday night with nothing to do but watch Law and Order re-runs. But even if college life can be lonely, I've heard life in the 9-5 world can be even lonelier. Especially if one has to relocate to find a job. But it's during times of loneliness that we find out who we really are. Like Momma used to say: the best time to learn how to cook is when you're starving.

What I'm trying to say is that marriage should be more than just a check mark as we negotiate Erikson's stages of development. It's a life-long commitment that grows and matures as we do. That being said, I know few people capable of understanding the ramifications of "till death do us part" at 20. Having only lived for 20 years, 10 years feels like an eternity. Promising to love someone "in sickness and in health" is fine when your spouse has the flu for a week, but it's another matter entirely when your spouse is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I suggest we enjoy being "single ladies" until we understand what it means to "put a ring on it."